What's the beef?

I'm sure you've all heard the details about the fake beef suit by now (someone sued Taco Bell for false advertising/using fake beef in January and then quietly withdrew the suit 4 months later), so now Taco Bell is proudly telling the world that their "taco filling" is 88% beef:



But you know what? I don't care if the taco filling is 88% beef, 100% beef or 0% beef. As long as it tastes like Taco Bell and wont make me sick, I might actually prefer a healthier, fake beef. I'm sure the taste is all in the magical seasoning anyway, so why not just make it healthier and more inclusive? At the very least, they should use this almost scandal to launch a new, vegetarian-friendly line of taco fillings. Some lame-ass law firm in Montegomery, Ala., may have just given Taco Bell the opportunity to market a unique new product for the Taco Bell-loving vegetarians who are sick of ordering 7-Layer burritos (though, to Taco Bell's credit, and in my completely unbiased opinion, they do have the best and most substantive veggie option of the fast food power houses). GO FOR IT, TACO BELL!

What do you think, Taco Bell lovers (and likers): would you eat a fake beef burrito if it tasted exactly the same? What if it were healthier? What about you vegetarians out there, are you satisfied with your 7-layer burrito option, or are you craving a Soy Crumble Chalupa Supreme or a Seitan Gordita?

Limited time only

Taco Bell has finally broadened their menu to include an item that every other Mexican restaurant has served for decades: pork. At the moment, the slow-roasted carnitas shredded pork (complete with lime wedge for that "fresh, citrus burst of flavor") is only available in corn tortilla form and only for a limited time. But don't fret, burrito fans! I am about to share with you one of the best kept secrets of Taco Bell: YOU CAN ORDER ANY COMBINTAION OF ANY INGREDIENTS IN ANY FORM! This isn't like McDonald's where you can hold the pickles; at Taco Bell, you can actually order anything you want! You can order a beef chalupa supreme with guacamole, you can order a 7-layer burrito with carnitas, and you can even add sour cream to your otherwise unpalatable fresco taco.

So naturally I've tested a variety of interesting concoctions, and this is what I've learned so far:

• The grilled stuffed burrito with carnitas is fantastic
• The 1/2 pound nacho crunch is not better with carnitas
• Everything is better with sour cream
  

Now, don't get me wrong, if you're adding an ingredient, they will charge you more (keep that quarter handy). But for simply replacing the boring old chicken in your Gordita Supreme with some savory slow-roasted carnitas shredded pork? That, my friends, is on the house.

The Taco Bell Drive-Thru Diet? Holy Crap.

I've been meaning to launch this blog for a while now, but I was waiting for the right inspiration. Looks like I've found it:

I'd already heard about the free fresco tacos from Taco Bell (thanks, Jeff), but hadn't bothered to look into the reason for the promotion. It wasn't until I was watching tv today that I realized that these free tacos were part of Taco Bell's new Drive-Thru Diet campaign. It reminded me of that pre-caveman Geico commercial that tricked me into thinking that Tiny House was going to be the best new reality show EVER. But alas (hooray?), this Taco Bell diet is real.

The Examiner argues that this diet offers little more than a free taco -- but I think the real problem is that the entire fresco menu lacks the very essence of Taco Bell: No cheese. NO SOUR CREAM. What's the point? I'm all about eating healthy (well, I understand why other people are all about eating healthy...I'm personally still working on it), but if you're going to make the effort to go all the way to taco bell, don't skimp on the Taco Bell-ness. Would you go to Paris and skip out on the Eiffel Tower? Je pense que non!

I realize that sometimes a fresco taco is the least of all evils on a road trip with fast food loving friends, but it's just not for me. If I find myself at a Taco Bell, I plan to order my usual 7-layer burrito, beef chalupa supreme, and 1/2 pound nacho crunch burrito (if I'm particularly hungry). Yes, I have an addiction; and no, I am not embarrassed.

Moral of the story: do go to Taco Bell every now and then for some cheesy, sour creamy goodness; don't waste your calories (and sodium) on the fresco menu.

The Taco Belle is officially open for business.